I'm Back And I'm Trying Hard

Suz & Kevin Oct 2011, in Oregon, Illinois


Hello BlogSpotters :)

Thank you sooo much for coming by to see my blog and see if I'm back in full force. Well, I am and I'm not.

I did complete a very simple furniture paint job so have something to start up again with my blogging, but I'm not fully in "now" with my blog to feel alot like crafting, but I'm trying to push and challenge myself to do some things.

It's been a few rough little over a week since the passing our our beloved Butterscotch (our big kitty) on the 13th of this month, and the outpouring of support from my friends (old and new) in Blogosphere has been so heart warming. Truly. Thank you so very much.

To tell the truth, there are a couple of things I'm working-through now.

You see, on the very day that we had Butterscotch put to sleep, we learned 1.5 hours later that the last aggressive chemo that my husband takes for his stage 4 kidney cancer (RCC) has failed. His oncologist is letting us revisit an family of oral chemo that he did over 4 years ago, at my husbands request/wish.

But, this is pallative care.

My husband will do whatever the doctor feels is right for him, and whatever he feels is personally "right" for him. His devout Faith in Our Lord is what carries us to do whatever we can.

Even though we have been battling this cancer since June 2007, and Kevin has been through so much, the way he's choosing to do things are changing. Not his Faith- that only gets STRONGER, but what he "will accept/do" and "will not accept/do" has changed.

Such as: He was on a daily oral chemo (actually there were three of them-- when one failed, we went to the next one, etc) from the beginning until Jan 2011.

While the first chemos were outlasting the average time until failure (some were usually working for most cancer patience for 5 months but lasted for 22 months from him until it failed), he said he a)never wanted a port (a devise that is implanted in your chest to make blood draws easier and to administer IV chemo), b) he didn't want to do IV chemo such as Interferon and 3)he wouldn't consider doing clinical trials that were far from home (such as Chicago).

Since last summer, he does have a port in his chest, as it's impossible to do blood draws now without it. (To say he's a hard-stick is beyond an understatement-- took 6-8 sticks just to get blood work done, and he has ALOT of blood work while on chemo).

And, in Jan 11, when the last available oral chemo failed, he did go on Interferon IV. (and another chemo that he got shots of Monday-Wed-Fri every week- with the IV chemo once every three weeks).

That was our last chemo available to us, and at 10:00 a.m. on Feb 13, we got the lastest results from the CT scans (he couldn't have a PT scan this last month and opted for the CT scan instead) shows that it too has failed.

We asked our oncologist the last option from his "don't want to do" was to see if there was a drug trial open in Chicago for us to try.

But there is none.

We talked to him about revisiting one of the oral chemos again and he has agreed.

We are waiting for that drug option to be cleared for us now.

So, Feb 13, was really, really, really a hard day for us. Our beloved cat and the news we've been dreading to hear from our oncologist, all within the span of one and a half hours.

Thank you for your love and support, and understanding.

And, by the way, Kevin asked me the other day why I wasn't crafting. He's concerned that I'm not allowing the "Happy Suzi out to play", and I'm concerned about him and am being more a of "Serious Suzanne" now. But, I did paint this simple chair when I'll show you all shortly. It's not much, but it's a start, and I'm dedicating it to Kevin; My Hero!